All of the world's banks have agreed to close their doors forever in response to the relentless logic of arguments put forth by peaceful mobs protesting the G-20 meetings in London, England today.
"It had never occurred to me that banks were evil until I saw a sign that read 'Banks Are EVIL!!!!!!' today." said Nigel Olson, CEO of The Royal Bank of England. "It was being carried by a nice young gentleman with a stylish goatee and Birkenstocks who was waving it through one of our broken windows and shrieking something along the lines, I believe, of how he was being oppressed. I had been busy working on a plan to rob quadraplegic old ladies of their pension funds and I just stopped and thought; 'Nigel, old man, this young lad may have a point."
Mr. Olson stated that he would be happy to answer further questions but had decided to nip off and commit suicide for his sins.