I managed to sneak these limericks into the State of the Union liveblogging tsunami of comments over at The Place That Shall Not Be Named. Thought you might enjoy this alternative account of the festivities ;-)
Speaker Boehner: hey, what's up with him?
The orange fellow is looking quite grim
As his caucus rebels
He develops new "tells"
Will he ever prevail? Odds are slim.
All the others seem happy enough
(Then they're made of less lachrymose stuff)
Boehner always seems blue
And can weep right on cue
I am guessing tonight will be rough.
Poor Paul Ryan; the kid looks upset
Like he just lost a costly bar bet
When your world turns to sh*t
Just call up Uncle Mitt
All your worries he'll help you forget.
Mitch McConnell stares out into space
With a vacuous look on his face
All expression he lacks
Like a man carved of wax
No museum? He looks out of place.
What's with Biden? He looks awful pale
Tonight's make-up was really a "fail"
Let's just hope he's alright
And not ailing tonight
'Cause we need Fightin' Joe to assail!
This applause for each line's getting old
Yes, I know, these proposals are bold
But it's not overreach
To just lay out a speech
Before all these hot ideas grow cold.
Just imagine if Mitt gave this speech
We'd be watching with one painful screech
We'd be screaming in pain
As he sold out to Bain
But tonight he's on Cayman's white beach.
Manufacturing! Yesss! Tell us more!
Now Obama's got programs in store
To bring jobs back again
For our women and men
It's a message we cannot ignore.
Infrastructure! It's time to get real!
Crumbling bridges? Let's move on that deal!
Weatherize every home
Be it bung'low or dome
Help our kids get a good school-day meal!
Education from preschool for all!
What about it? Let's answer the call!
Our investment return
As our kids really learn
Will have all of our folks standing tall!
Go to college (you won't be a snob!)
It's essential for any good job
We'll help parents to find
Which school won't be a grind
To help cute little Cindy or Bob
Immigration? More boots on the ground!
We need people - ideas will abound!
Send me up the damn bill
Don't waste time on the Hill!
And enough with your whimpering sound!
When you live in this challenging age
You can't get by on minimum wage
In the land of the brave
You're a lowly wage slave
That is really a dreadful outrage!
Many troops will return from afar
Well, the generals look like they are
Feeling sad to hear that
But peacetime's where it's at
I'll buy them the first round at the bar!
Now it's freedom, for folks the world o'er
As we travel to each distant shore
As Commander in Chief
It's Obama's belief
That although we've done much, there's still more.
Equal treatment for all, straight or gay!
And yet Boehner just sits, ashen gray
As he seethes in his seat
In his squirmy defeat
Face it, orangeman: today's a new day
Gun control: now it's time we get real
This is really a simple appeal
Since the Newtown dark day
Many more passed away
Like Hadiya, so folks: here's the deal
It's past time for the Congress to act
On the measures that Gabby has backed
For the families who've cried
We are here by your side
We must feel your deep pain and react
As the gun carnage stats are rolled out
There is something of which there's no doubt
Hey: Ted Nugent! You turd
We will not hear one word
Because "hate" is not what we're about!
Now rebuttals come next, I can't wait!
First I'll fix a nice little snack plate
Then I'll drink to the Prez
And the things that he says
But for GOPers, I won't stay up late.