State Of The Union Limerick Live-Blog Recap!

by: cassandracarolina

Wed Feb 13, 2013 at 11:43:41 AM EST



I managed to sneak these limericks into the State of the Union liveblogging tsunami of comments over at The Place That Shall Not Be Named. Thought you might enjoy this alternative account of the festivities ;-)

Speaker Boehner: hey, what's up with him?
The orange fellow is looking quite grim
As his caucus rebels
He develops new "tells"
Will he ever prevail? Odds are slim.

All the others seem happy enough
(Then they're made of less lachrymose stuff)
Boehner always seems blue
And can weep right on cue
I am guessing tonight will be rough.

Poor Paul Ryan; the kid looks upset
Like he just lost a costly bar bet
When your world turns to sh*t
Just call up Uncle Mitt
All your worries he'll help you forget.

Mitch McConnell stares out into space
With a vacuous look on his face
All expression he lacks
Like a man carved of wax
No museum? He looks out of place.

What's with Biden? He looks awful pale
Tonight's make-up was really a "fail"
Let's just hope he's alright
And not ailing tonight
'Cause we need Fightin' Joe to assail!

This applause for each line's getting old
Yes, I know, these proposals are bold
But it's not overreach
To just lay out a speech
Before all these hot ideas grow cold.

Just imagine if Mitt gave this speech
We'd be watching with one painful screech
We'd be screaming in pain
As he sold out to Bain
But tonight he's on Cayman's white beach.

Manufacturing! Yesss! Tell us more!
Now Obama's got programs in store
To bring jobs back again
For our women and men
It's a message we cannot ignore.

Infrastructure! It's time to get real!
Crumbling bridges? Let's move on that deal!
Weatherize every home
Be it bung'low or dome
Help our kids get a good school-day meal!

Education from preschool for all!
What about it? Let's answer the call!
Our investment return
As our kids really learn
Will have all of our folks standing tall!

Go to college (you won't be a snob!)
It's essential for any good job
We'll help parents to find
Which school won't be a grind
To help cute little Cindy or Bob

Immigration? More boots on the ground!
We need people - ideas will abound!
Send me up the damn bill
Don't waste time on the Hill!
And enough with your whimpering sound!

When you live in this challenging age
You can't get by on minimum wage
In the land of the brave
You're a lowly wage slave
That is really a dreadful outrage!

Many troops will return from afar
Well, the generals look like they are
Feeling sad to hear that
But peacetime's where it's at
I'll buy them the first round at the bar!

Now it's freedom, for folks the world o'er
As we travel to each distant shore
As Commander in Chief
It's Obama's belief
That although we've done much, there's still more.

Equal treatment for all, straight or gay!
And yet Boehner just sits, ashen gray
As he seethes in his seat
In his squirmy defeat
Face it, orangeman: today's a new day

Gun control: now it's time we get real
This is really a simple appeal
Since the Newtown dark day
Many more passed away
Like Hadiya, so folks: here's the deal

It's past time for the Congress to act
On the measures that Gabby has backed
For the families who've cried
We are here by your side
We must feel your deep pain and react

As the gun carnage stats are rolled out
There is something of which there's no doubt
Hey: Ted Nugent! You turd
We will not hear one word
Because "hate" is not what we're about!

Now rebuttals come next, I can't wait!
First I'll fix a nice little snack plate
Then I'll drink to the Prez
And the things that he says
But for GOPers, I won't stay up late.

cassandracarolina :: State Of The Union Limerick Live-Blog Recap!
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Tips for medical attention for Marco Rubio (2.00 / 11)
Good hydration's essential, we know
There's a time and place for it, though
With his gulps and flop-sweat
We will never forget
Marco's free-fall from "savior" to "D'OH!!!  

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


Brilliantly done, as usual! (2.00 / 8)
I think my favorite line is the one that includes "less lachrymose stuff." Beautiful! :-D

There are, in every age, new errors to be rectified, and new prejudices to be opposed. ~Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

Thanks, slksfca! (2.00 / 6)
It's a challenge doing these "live" and still embedding some literary value, but it's a task that turns my quirky personality from a "bug" to a "feature" ;-)  

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
:-) (2.00 / 6)
Your way with a limerick's sublime
I chortle at most every rhyme
They're never too dense
And they make such good sense
That with envy a deepish green I'm.

;-)

There are, in every age, new errors to be rectified, and new prejudices to be opposed. ~Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)


[ Parent ]
Bravo, slksfca! (2.00 / 5)
Though I've churned out a limerick batch
I can see that I've now met my match!
With your talents in verse
I will need to rehearse!
'Ere more doggerel projects I hatch!  

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
Well... (2.00 / 5)
Your kind words to me are most sweet.
I hardly know how to compete
With skill such as thine,
Much greater than mine,
Which knocks me right off of my feet.


There are, in every age, new errors to be rectified, and new prejudices to be opposed. ~Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

[ Parent ]
Great fun! I was stuck in a city council meeting but this diary (2.00 / 6)
feels better than watching the whole speech!

Thanks, Wee Mama! (2.00 / 6)
Liveblogging these events does make them a lot more interesting. My only problem is that, afterwards, it's hours before I can calm my mind enough to sleep ;-)  

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
Great fun! I was stuck in a city council meeting but this diary (2.00 / 7)
feels better than watching the whole speech!

hahahahahahaha (2.00 / 7)
awesome.  well done.

Earth is the best vacation place for advanced clowns. --Gary Busey
 


Thanks,fogiv - glad to bring some levity to the proceedings (2.00 / 7)
I could have written 20 more limericks just chronicling John Boehner's facial expressions and body language!  

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
Nice work (2.00 / 6)
You've got quite a knack for rhyme
Color me jealous

No need for jealousy, believe me, Jk2003 (2.00 / 5)
Quirky talents? I got 'em, and yet
I've got "bugs" I would rather forget
But I do find some joy
Learning how to deploy
"Bugs" to "Features" to ease my regret.  

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
Standing and applauding cassandracarolina while I supsect (2.00 / 5)
Boehner and Cantor would not. Let alone Graham and MaCain! BTW, did those guys once stand and applaud last night?

Good question, Portlaw (2.00 / 5)
Standing up and applauding? Oh, please!
Those great "statesmen" all have a disease
They're confined to their seat
Angry, hurt, and effete
Clearly beaten, and quite ill at ease.  

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
oh fer cryin' out loud, HOW do you do this CC? (2.00 / 4)
i cannot for the life of me get my brain to think this way.
amazing! tip'd, rec'd and jealous.

time...it seems to move so slowly until that day, when it doesn't.


[ Parent ]
Well, dear occupant... (2.00 / 4)
It helps to be slightly very deranged. Remember: for every quirky talent I possess, I've had to get by without some other vital skill, like workplace diplomacy ;-)

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
heh, workplace diplomacy is highly overrated CC. (2.00 / 4)
i'd take a limerick ahead of nicenice in the office anyday!

time...it seems to move so slowly until that day, when it doesn't.


[ Parent ]
Well, dear occupant... (2.00 / 3)
It helps to be slightly very deranged. Remember: for every quirky talent I possess, I've had to get by without some other vital skill, like workplace diplomacy ;-)

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.


-- Oscar Wilde


[ Parent ]
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